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How Do You Do Life? It’s such a Paradox

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (6)
Thursday, April 8th, 2010

Going along with how we naturally approach day-to-day living is the easiest and most natural thing in life. We are heavily conditioned to think that how we do life is life itself.

In other words, as we grew up, we naturally “identified with” our particular approach to life and took it to be the real thing—reality. Most people find it quite stunning to realize that their automatic way of living, thinking, behaving and doing is actually a configuration–a strategy– for managing the pain and difficulties experienced in life.  Unwittingly, this strategy often creates more unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

You’ve seen that there are nine Enneagram ‘types.’  The personality structure for each type has a way of organizing life around some core ideas about oneself and life that feels necessary, right and certain.

What you organize your life around is related to where you naturally put your attention.

Here are examples, each reflecting one way that individuals organize their life based upon the nine Enneagram types: 

  • Organizing life around “doing things right and being right”
  • Organizing life around “relationships” and” being helpful to others”
  • Organizing life around  “being the best at” and having others see how well I “excel”
  • Organizing life around ‘trying to find my authentic self” and ‘how I am different’ from others
  • Organizing life around “ideas and mental models”
  • Organizing life around “being secure and being supported”
  • Organizing life around “having fun and having freedom”
  • Organizing life around “being in control and “experiencing realness”
  • Organizing life around “peace and harmony”

Each way of organizing life is part of an internal logic that feels like “this is how life actually works” for individuals dominant in each of the types.

The problem is this.  That this internal logic is faulty because it is defined by the ego.   When you follow the ego’s dictates, this logic takes you in exactly the opposite direction from your soul’s deep yearnings.  It’s an astounding paradox of life.  What makes the most sense to the egoic self ultimately leads to pain.

The challenge is to recognizing the way you orient, what your life unconsciously organizes around….herein lies the great opportunity for awakening.

From the upcoming book by Roxanne Howe-Murphy, Ed.D, Deep Living:  Using the Enneagram to Connect You to Your Transformational Path

“On the transformational journey, one size does not fit all.  There is a path that connects with YOUR inner experience. Find it and you’ll have the KEY you’ve been looking for.”   Please help  users find the KEY to their growth by voting for Roxanne’s next Enneagram book, Deep Living, at the   NextTopAuthor competition at @ http://bit.ly/NextTopAuthor

 

Comments (6)
Categories : Awakening, Awareness, Being Present, Deep Living, Organizing Principles, Peace, Presence, Seekers - Enneagram Workshops, Self-awareness, Spirituality, Stress and Well-being, Transformation, Uncategorized
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The next Enneagram “deep” book is coming

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (1)
Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

It’s been percolating in the background for about a year–another book on the horizon.

After my earlier book, Deep Coaching:  Using the Enneagram as a Catalyst for Profound Change, had been published, I was asked by a lot of professionals  if I had additional readings  that they could give their clients.  Of course, I referred them to my favorite Enneagram books, yet  there seemed to be interest in a synthesis/ companion book  that incorporated the main themes of Deep Coaching.

I can’t just sit down and write.  It takes time to see what is there to be written, if anything.   Now, I’m bursting!  I’m loving what I am learning as I write!   Literally, my heart feels so filled with love for the Enneagram and for this material,  that I can’t wait to share it.  It’s still a work in progress (aren’t we all?), but I can see the end in sight.

Essentially, the message of the book is

Experience being at home in yourself.  Herein lies real peace.  Invite youurself home through the Power of Allowing.  Here, you discover the  sustainable and profound life-affirming impact of Presence.

As I was writing,  I learned of an amazing competition that invited authors with a spiritual orientation to get support in getting the word out about their books.  So, I jumped in and am learning to swim in these new waters.

To learn more about my book, go to my Next Top Author page: @ http://bit.ly/NextTopAuthor.  (In case you want to find me from the program’s homepage, my author number is 18.)  I’d love your vote to help promote my message.  Thank you.

I’d love to have you join me on this journey, so I’ll be sharing some different aspects of the book with you in upcoming weeks as well as some of my own process as writer.




Comments (1)
Categories : Awakening, Awareness, Being Present, Deep Living, Deep Living-the Book, Enneagram, Peace, Presence, Uncategorized

Inner Critic–Moving Beyond the Idea of the Gremlin

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (1)
Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

I’ve had have the great fortune of facilitating an amazing group over the past several years in a monthly Women’s Enneagram collaborative. The last couple of months we’ve been focusing on changing our relationship to the Inner Critic. Essentially, rather than taking the I.C. to be “real,” we see it for what it is–a central part of the ego’s structure that can take up enormous space in the psyche, and that can consume inordinate amounts of energy. Like the rest of the ego structure, it is trying to substitute for that which truly is real and eternal within us, which of course, it can’t.

Thus, as we grow in our awareness of how this particular ‘structure’ operates, we come to the stunning realization that there is a different kind of relationship to be had with the I.C. rather than taking it to be the truth, ‘making it bad,’ or ‘getting into a struggle with it” as if it was real. That’s why I use the word “structure’ —the I.C. can be seen as more of an “It” that operates on automatic rather than a ‘he/she/they’ that has been personified, taken personally.

I thnk we have to be careful about characterizing the I.C. as a “gremlin” or “that entity that sits on my shoulder,” because this is a way that we give it a sense of realness, and give it more power.

To work with the Inner Critic requires being able to notice when one is “at the effect” of its structure. There are lots of clues if we know what to look for. They show up mentally, somatically, emotionally, energetically and spiritually. Once we recognize them, then we can begin the process of stepping back from it, Unhooking from it, dis-identifying with it as something real. That’s when we begin to experience our inner authority.

And then, we have the courage to face the I.C.’s message, sort through all the falseness of its noise, and find if there is perhaps a Gem of Truth that is at the very core of the message. Finding this Gem helps us continue to grow and evolve.

Last night, I saw the women’s eyes opening wide.  For most, it was the first time seeing the Inner Critic as a gift.  Indeed, it can point you to something valuable, as long as you don’t get caught in the first wave of its automatic and egoic activity. Name it, call it out, distance yourself from the negativity or from its arrogance, as it shows up differently for different people depending upon one’s dominant Enneagram type.  Then, with clarity and curiosity, see if there is a gem to be found.

Comments (1)
Categories : Awakening, Awareness, Being Present, Enneagram, Essential Nature, Inner Critic, Presence, Seekers - Enneagram Workshops, Uncategorized
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How Do We “Get into Our Client’s Shoes” if They Aren’t There Either?

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (0)
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

There’s a big emphasis in coaching and other growth-oriented professions to “get into the client’s shoes.”  How can we relate well if we aren’t able to recognize and deeply connect with the person’s experience?  How do we support a change process if we don’t recognize and help to “name” the place where the client is?

It’s a worthwhile inquiry.  Here’s the thing–are we assuming that the client is actually ‘in’ his or her (or ‘their’) shoes?  Are they really in contact with their own experience or are they in contact with something else?  We can look at this question from our own perspective.  What is the experience of ‘filling out’ your shoes?  What do you know about having real contact with yourself?

Embodiment work is all about developing the intelligence of contact, deep contact, with self.   We’ll explore this in the Feb. 18 Deep Coaching Bookclub call 11:30 a.m.-12:30 pm PT,  which is free to everyone who has a copy of my Deep Coaching book and is in the bookclub.  Would love to have you!  Become a member the Bookclub or register for the call at www.lifewisecoaching.com.

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Categories : Deep Coaching - The Book, Uncategorized

Fall Deep Coaching (Enneagram-based) Courses Starting Soon!

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (3)
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

What is Being Asked of Growth-Oriented Professionals

As the world continues to change dramatically, growth-oriented professionals are being asked to be clearer, more grounded, more-intune with their client’s inner world and reality while staying grounded in the ability to be a Fair Witness and truthful guide.

Who Becomes a Deep Coaching Practitioner?

The Deep Coaching Program attracts coaches from many specialty niches, therapists, spiritual guides, HR and OD consultants, body/energy workers–any professional with a growth-oriented practice.  Common factors among those attracted are the deep desire to bring awakening into the world and a love of working with the Enneagram.

If you have a calling to “bring your greatest joy to meet the world’s great hunger” (F. Buechner),  this may be the perfect ‘professional home’  for you.

Fall Course Offerings

We have an amazing line-up of offerings for Fall, 09:

* The Deep Coaching Practice Circle (for those who have taken foundation Enneagram coaching classes) starts Aug. 25

* The Foundation Deep Coaching Telecourse Series with founding teacher Roxanne Howe-Murphy begins Sept. 1

* The Deep Leadership Coaching Practice Circle with Belinda Gore (for those with foundation Enneagram coaching courses) begins Sept. 3.

* Know Your Instincts–a brand new telecourse open to all interested in personal and professional growthwork-with Roxanne Howe-Murphy begins Sept. 10

* Deep Coaching Retreat: A Living Experience of the Enneagram with Roxanne Howe-Murphy and Belinda Gore will be held Oct. 18-22.

For more information on the program, go to: http://lifewisecoaching.com/deep-coaching-certification/

Classes start soon!  Register Now!

Experience the Hallmarks of Deep Coaching!  Depth, Presence, Real Change, Liberation!



Each course in this program contributes to integrating and embodying Deep Coaching principles and builds on your use of Deep Coaching Models; approaches the use of the Enneagram from a different perspective, each offering deepening levels of clarity, insight, knowledge, confidence and appreciation that comes with this potent body of wisdom.


Comments (3)
Categories : Awakening, Awareness, Be a Deep Coaching Practitioner, Being Present, Enneagram, Self-awareness, Spirituality, Transformation, Uncategorized

A Marriage of Opposites

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (0)
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

There are times when Life seems to contain more than possibly can be processed.  This  happened over the week-end.

We were attending the really sweet and beautiful wedding of a amazing couple getting married in their 30′s and who have dedicated their lives thus far to working in refugee areas around the world–Darfur and violence-torn areas in Africa, for example.  She is a member of our extended family who has long held a special place in our lives.   This wedding was one of those pure experiences–no drama, no big underlying family dynamics, but an honest simplicity in which everyone was made to feel comfortable and welcomed.   Though a modest size wedding of around 100, there were guests from around the world.  Joy and love were palpable.

After the ceremony and dinner, celebratory dancing got under way and I could sense the deep connections that people were experiencing.  All of a sudden, the music stopped.  Someone was down.  It was a deeply loved man, the step-father of the bride.  Within seconds, she (a nurse) in her bridal dress and another person were working on him, doing  CPR with his heart and through mouth-to-mouth.  No breath.  No pulse.  Unconscious.  Loved ones in the room, of course, were in shock, tears and witnessing a scene that seemed from another place and time.  Paramedics eventually arrived, and after some time, regained a pulse.  Some of us gathered in the local hospital’s emergency waiting room.

After a long night and morning, the step-dad regained consciousness, and it looks like there is no permanent damage. It seems we have a miracle.  Had this happened to him when he was by himself on his boat, or driving in a car, or on a ladder working on his house, the ending would have been quite different.  Rather, it happened when all those he most loves and who most love him were right there.

That night, Love wore many faces and was experienced and expressed under paradoxical, almost unimaginable circumstances that were juxtaposed in such as way that is inescapable.  The paradox is always here–this one happened to be magnified a hundred-fold.  This is the way paradox works– it smashes any preconception about how “it” is supposed to work.   They put our ideas, beliefs, illusions, our cherished preconceptions right int front of our nose.  They have the power to awaken.

The sharing of this experience from people from many areas around the globe will be rippling out for sometime to come.  None of us will ever be the same.  Life is not what we think–it is itself.   

Blessings,

Roxanne

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Categories : Awakening, Awareness, Being Present, Love, Paradoxes, Presence, Uncategorized
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Is Presence Really That Important?

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (0)
Sunday, April 12th, 2009

Earlier this year, I recently received a letter from my friend, Mel Duncan, co-founder and Executive Director of the Nonviolent Peaceforce, (www.nonviolentpeaceforce.org). This organization trains unarmed civilians in nonviolent strategies and sends them (by invitation) to violence-prone areas around the world. The NP volunteers help to protect human rights, deter violence and support local peace-keepers in creating peaceful communities. Mel was recently named one of the 50 non-profit visionaries making a difference in the world by Utne Magazine!One comment in his letter particularly struck me. Mel spoke about the one element that makes all the difference in the ability of the NP civilians to be effective in some of the most potentially violent situations in the world. That element is Presence. Presence creates the grounding, the space, the realness that allows significant changes to be made even in the midst of the most volatile of situations. It allows one to be responsive rather than reactive, and bring an indominatable sense of strength, not over, but strength in oneself. Presence saves lives!

Could anything be more profound and more important in this time of uncertainty and extraordinary change?  If Presence can make such an substantial difference in potentially explosive, violence-prone situations, what might it offer to you?  to your interactions with your loved ones?  with your friends and co-workers?

In a recent teleconference call that Enneagram Deep Coaching faculty member, Belinda Gore, and I were holding with Deep Coaching trainees, the discussion turned to how Presence saves emotional and spiritual lives, as well. Every moment we return to the present and experience what is truly here, make decisions and respond from what is available to us Here and Now (rather from our past conditioning), it frees us. It saves us.

As we enter this new time, I invite you to reflect on how the moments of Presence in your own life have saved something precious within you and have blessed your life.  The uncertainty, stress and discomfort of life can be tempered and balanced by remembering to come back into contact with what is real, what is enduring and what is–Here Now.

Roxanne

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Categories : Awakening, Peace, Presence, Uncategorized
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The Wisdom of the Enneagram Retreat

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (0)
Monday, March 30th, 2009

Join my colleague and I for the exploration of the relationship of personality and essence in your life.  Discover what it means to experience a grounded, real spirituality in your day-to-day existence.

The Wisdom of the Enneagram:

The Joyful Experience of An Awakening Life

May 16-18, 2009

Mercy Center, Burlingame, California

Beyond the study of personality types, the Enneagram is a powerful tool for supporting the work of awakening to our Essential Nature. This introduction to the psycho-spiritual approach to the Enneagram will enable you to “remember” aspects of your true self, and will help you to more rapidly recognize the “wake up calls” in your life that you can use to move toward higher levels of health and wholeness.

  • Discover each type’s higher nature, healing attitudes and specific tools for transformation
  • Learn how to observe and release your more troublesome habits and reactions
  • Experience ways to unhook from inner dynamics that hinder your happiness
  • Cultivate more awareness, conscious choice & intention in your everyday life
  • Understand how to use the Enneagram for your continued spiritual growth

For more information, visit the Wisdom of the Enneagram Retreat page on my website.

Roxanne

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Categories : Awakening, Awareness, Being Present, Enneagram, Essential Nature, Seekers - Enneagram Workshops, Self-awareness, Spirituality, Uncategorized
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Living Mythically, Living Consciously in Turbulent Times

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (0)
Friday, February 13th, 2009

“Living mythcally means making choices from a position of your true self, of Essence self, rather than solely from your ego.”

I recently reread this passage from a book published more than 15 years ago (Mayan Oracle by A. Apilsbury and M Bryner, 1992), and it deeply touched me.   The specific approach to awakening taken in the book is specific to Mayan wisdom , but the message itself  has reverberated across all bodies of spiritual wisdom for thousands of years right up to the current moment.  It reminded me once again that different forms of wisdom have been trying to reach us, touch our hearts, our innate intelligence,  and speak to our spirits for a very long time.

We cannot escape that we are going through times of turbulent change, environmentally, financially, politically… in every aspect of life.   This change is not unexpected, even though it can feel very surprising to us as it happens.  There are many ancient sources of information (including from but not limited to the Mayans) that have predicted a transformational shift in society.   And there is abundant evidence that this change is getting the attention of alot of people.  Humanity is experiencing an awakening of consciousness that is profound.  There is great hope.

With the old models of living based on dualistic thinking (mine or theirs;  mind or body; black or white; peace or war;  the list of examples would fill hundreds of pages) no longer able to address the big issues facing us, and with new ways of Being coming into heightened awareness,  it is clear that we are at a crucial decision-point in our collective and individual lives. And we have to start here–with self. “What decisions will I make?”  How am I going to let myself be touched by the great arising of awareness?  “Where will I choose to stand–in ego or in True, Essential nature?  What story do I wish to live–my ego’s story or the  newstory based on the ground of Being and my connection to All?

Never before have we had such an opportunity to be a part of the great unfolding of awareness.  We have access to the way into this unfolding, we have access to the bodies of wisdom, we have the tools that we need.  And we have friends on the path.  What a magnificent time to be alive!

Blessings, Roxanne

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Categories : Deep Coaching - The Book, Uncategorized
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The Joy of Miracles

By Roxanne Howe Murphy · Comments (0)
Friday, January 30th, 2009

I’ve been in the midst of personally experiencing and witnessing others experiencing miracle after miracle after miracle.   Life is full of miracles, and  sadly, I know I’ve missed my fair share of them in the past.

Miracles take many forms.  One kind of  ’miracle’ is the otherwise ‘unexplainable’ situation in which just the right person shows up at exactly the right time under just the perfect conditions.  That is  synchronicity.  It’s also miraculous.  It’s particularly powerful when all of the data from the media to the comments and descriptions made by authorities or others  ’in the know’ indicate that ‘something cannot happen.  It’s not happening for other people; it won’t happen for you.’   In other words, you might hear “Just get real.”   You probably have had an experience in your own life where something miraculous happened for you when it ‘appeared’ that all odds were against it.   These are times to celebrate and remember!

Another miracle that I see happening more frequently is when someone takes responsibility for his or her own part of a difficult situation; looks it squarely in the face with curiosity and no self-rejection, and lets go of something.  That something could be an “idea” about someone else, or resistance to the situation at hand, or even a very subtle, energetic pattern that probably isn’t obvious at first glance.  Taking responsibility (very different than blaming self or others) and allowing for an internal shift often results in a healthy change in that difficult situation.  Often, the ‘other person’ seems to change, as well.

And another miracle comes with moment-to-moment awareness of whatever is here now.  The flight of a bird, the movement of a blade of grass (even a weed), the challenge of a particular task, the sound of the child, the face of a significant other or friend.  It sounds so corny in a way, but the truth is that when we show up in the world, we are graced with the experience of so much aliveness, so much richness, that it can be almost more than we can take.   It is everywhere–this beauty–if I only can show up for it in whatever form it appears.

I don’t want to be anyplace else.  I don’t want to miss any more moments of Real Life, of all the aliveness that is here in this world.  While I’m here, Divine Spirit, let me really be here.

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Categories : Awareness, Uncategorized
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